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Thursday, 31 December 2015

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2015  2016


I must admit as the new year drew closer I felt like I was stepping into the unknown even more vaguely than years before, my mind has been blank at the thought of it. I am well aware right now my life is in no place in which I have any hint of a future ahead, of course I have things I'm pursuing such as photography and blogging, but that's the gamble there's no guarantee of anything.
I've been excited and emotional in the years before, but I always had a place somewhere such as school or college. Right now and for the last many months I've been completely free.

& holy crap has that been both overwhelming and underwhelming.

Looking back at this year I have no clue how to explain it. It was neither end of the scale, from having an amazing, successful year, to an utter dump.
It was just one of those years where there has been a lot of realisation, acceptance and understanding. Perfect really for going into the new year ready to conquer all fears and dreams I've had for years.

So what have I realised this year? Well change hurts. Emotionally, mentally, it's exhausting and utterly confusing and I'm talking change in most aspects, from friendships, education, careers, just anything that is different from your daily norm, and completely new to you.
This leads me onto acceptance, which is kind of a no brainer, accepting the change and embracing it is so important, because if you fight it you're either going to keep standing still or going backwards.
It does take a lot out of you as a person to be open to it, 'cause it's scary as hell.
I had to accept that I wasn't going to be seeing certain people anymore, that they've moved on and so should I. It sucks but new people will come along, and I doubt I'm the only one who forgets that.
I had to accept that my anxiety issues had gotten to a point where I needed to be open to help, nothing major, purely just opening up and talking to someone, and that I was the sole person who was going to be able to pick myself up. Though I have to give credit to my parents and best friend also.

i had to accept that i was on chapter 1 of my story & i shouldn't compare that to those on their chapter 28

It's been a really bumpy ride this year and yet I'm not going to regret it believe it or not.
I needed to experience the loss and hurt, the confusion and anxiety because through all this it's lead me to understand so much more about my own life and myself as a person and where I want to go in the future. Ok so this all sounds very cliche, but you know what it's true. I'm sure many others will agree, we all have those particular moments when you just go through something big and it has some great impact on you. So that was what my year was. As much as I found it hard to pick myself up a lot of the time for all reasons combined, I'm so thankful for this crappy year, because (warning another cliche saying coming up) I definitely feel a whole lot stronger as a person, someone as a whole I'd never thought I'd be.

I'm going into the new year with no high hopes or expectations, only dreams that I intend to make a reality and with one overall goal of blissful happiness.

Happy New Year guys, wishing you all the best!


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