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Wednesday, 8 March 2017

I AM MORE THAN MY LOOKS



For years people would always assume and determine my future; career, lifestyle and academic results, by nothing else but my looks, like there was nothing beyond my physical appearance, nothing else to be valued or given a second thought to, not even my voice. I'll be in fashion or modelling, if it had anything at all to do with vanity, that's where someone would place me.

That may not seem like a problem to some people, but when you're young and you want guidance and have a lot of diverse influence around you, you start to believe you are that image and perception others have of you. In school I was always going to do Art, Textiles etc, I loved doing it and more importantly I wanted to do it. However, I never allowed myself to explore other areas, to get even a small taste of them in the right mind. I never gave a second thought to anything at all academic or completely opposite to what I supposedly loved. 

There was stupidly a time, I didn't feel the need to come across as intelligent, I already had (needed) student support at school anyway, so why try act more than I am. Now, I want to learn about literally bloody everything and everyone. I watch documentaries all evening, click on news articles, I'm also looking up online courses in Art History and Classical Studies. Over these last few years, I've realised all this - what I really enjoy, my interests and intelligence. I was told years ago to actually take History, a teacher saw me doing well in it, heard my passion for it through my work, but I shrugged it off because apparently that's not who I am, who I would go on to be or do. 

I let myself be restrained by the idea that all I had to offer, what others thought I had to offer, was just my looks.

I distinctively remember a time I was having your typical heading into adulthood freakout feeling worried and overwhelmed I wasn't going to get anywhere in life, and someone actually said to me "Oh shut up, look at you, you'll get somewhere with your looks", I still feel that anger and frustration I felt in that moment, though I don't remember how I initially reacted, it's stuck with me ever since. It scared me to think is that all I am to some people just a 'pretty face', do they think I'm hollow and bland inside? Am I nothing more? Am I...?

Giving compliments, brighting someones day whenever possible, not just of looks but any kind of praise, advice or inspirational reminders, is something I love to do. Yet when it comes to receiving them myself, especially with my appearance, I get wholesomely awkward. Luckily online it's very easy to just say thank you and feel appreciative, but say it to me in person and to be honest I couldn't care less and react with total ignorance. I dislike being seen or even known just for how I appear,  I am really self conscious, despite the fact people don't accept that and think I shouldn't be, hence why especially in person I'll shrug off the compliments and be lost for what to say. You see if I'm all chipper saying thank you, I'm vain, I love and think the world of myself. Yet if I'm modest, I'm stupid and unappreciative

I've become defensive because I now know I have more to offer, a lot more than some people in this world think a women's allowed, I don't mean for it to sometimes come across feisty and sharp, but I also won't apologise for it. 

It takes a lot to find confidence and praise in yourself, to clap your hands for you after working hard on something, so for someone to still only see just your face and your body, it is incredibly de-grading and frustrating. 

I want to be my own boss - a creative director and successful, because of the hard work which I've curated and produced, is worth it, even to just a few. Yes, I'm building up a career in photography and fashion blogging, filled with controversy of fake-ness and beauty, but I'm really trying, like many others, to do so whilst being open and honest, raw and unfiltered. A lot of work goes into the creative work we do, that people forget they only really see the finished result. Behind any 'pretty imagery', I always put passion into some underlying meaning, whether it's in the words I write, advice I've heard or given, I don't just create something for likes of meaningless appearance. There's always something to be heard, or shared, art and stories to be admired, all of which does not need to dumbed down. 

I say thank you to all of you out there, who see as much as you can of another, from quirks to strengths and weaknesses, to struggle and hard work, those of you who don't succumb to stereotypes and admire the internal than just exteriors. Thank you to all you activists, fighting for a more equal world, for more love and acceptance, to all you volunteers helping those in need, to all you hard workers in any area of work or lifestyle, never ever stop. Be you for you, don't fall victim to other peoples perceptions of ignorance. Have faith and confidence, you're worth far more than you know.

I am smart, determined, quirky and strong. I am a woman and I am more than my looks. 

with love, Kat 

p.s. Happy International Womens day to all you incredible ladies.
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4 comments

  1. Such a great post lovely! Everyone deserves a chance to become whoever they want to be. We all grow and evolve and just because you are very (like insanely) beautiful, doesn't mean that your looks are all you've got to use! We all have a voice and a brain! Xxxx

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    1. Thanks honey! They really do, so much out there for us all, and our looks will fade & I feel like I have more to offer with my voice, so it just frustrates me sometimes that that's all people see of me!
      Much love for you Hol!
      xxxx

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  2. You have such a wonderful writing voice! This was a really interesting read and I hope that one day everyone realises that there is so much more to women than their beauty. Love this post! xxx

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    1. Ahhh M you angel!! So do I, I'll admit I was quite worried to publish this because I can imagine some people rolling their eyes at what I've said, as if I'm complaining, but it's just sometimes I think there are those who just kind of smirk and snigger if I've got a strong opinion or something unique to say! xxxx

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