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Monday, 30 April 2018

BACK IN ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CITIES









 what i'm wearing

square neck bodysuit from boohoo, h&m striped wide leg trousers, fiorelli handbag and tommy hilfiger sunglasses.










I count and re-read my failures like a book left to re-visit on my nightstand, night after night. It sidetracks my accomplishments, my growth and heightens my ignorance as to how far I've gotten to this day. I forget that over two to three years ago, I could barely get myself up, or leave the house, I was tired but restless, felt everything yet nothing at the same time, but now? I'm optimistic, calm and ecstatic for even just the small things. Some days work feels slow and on the down rather than the rise, it's worrying and demeaning, you feel you've peaked and that's it's time to start looking elsewhere for success. I've seen articles here and there, conversations and worry of the future of blogging, in all honesty I avoid getting sunken into the voice of it all, because it's hardly motivating to think oh I'm working at something that's not going to work out, before I've even set my stones. So you'll see me tiptoeing away, still aware but not at all planning for the end.

It's too easy to let the negatives overplay and allow your perspective to falter so that you hardly notice the bundle of positives that have built up over time. I guess that's what we also forget when we observe someone else's life, we don't see the frustrations, sleepless nights, the weeks of empty pockets and tearful budgeting; the handful of shit pay jobs, rejections and doubt - online we see the success already there. It's easy to dismiss the journey needed to be had before things feel consistent, the fuck ups, the luck, short lived victories and the constant questioning of ones self. If there's one thing I'm telling myself right now, as my closest, nearest and dearest's also remind me, is to keep going, because with each little thing, it's a step closer. You never know if the next step is the step you've been waiting to take.

with love, Kat
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