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It's no surprise that a lot of us are afraid of the unknown, with no full control over what lies ahead, we have only our present choices that have some impact on our future path, yet nothing solid to anticipate and prepare for, we just have to sit tight on our ride and see how it all unfolds. So how do you become one of those who embraces uncertainty and lives for just now, fully immersed in the present? Some days I think I've gotten the hand of that mentality, with ongoing positivity, a fat ass smile permanently stuck on my face and a coffee in hand; but then something happens, something goes wrong, hormones explode, this, that, life... just happens.
It's rare that you'll wake up each morning beaming like a ray of sunshine, though rest assured I'll always have a coffee in hand, however some days I'll be filled with nothing but dread as I peer into the distant future, wondering about the things I lack control over. I've come to the conclusion that it'll never be a way of 'being', the constant optimism and excitement for the vague horizons - not without those moments of doubt and worry, without the tears you cry when you just need for the day to end. It's the balance that gives you the clarity, which then helps to move forward.
When you meet someone with such light in their eyes, seemingly free of such anguish, don't be fooled into thinking that hurt doesn't hit them, that fear isn't something they feel and that the smile is always genuine. Everyone deals with life in their own way, we all progress on different paths and we all see things through dissimilar windows.
We have such curiosity for the things we can't predict, we flirt at the thought of it, fantasise and giggle at what could be. We think and think, till the fun of it drifts away and we're full of panic. All it takes to proceed with a calmer sight of what's to come, is perception. How you perceive not knowing makes a huge difference to how you'll carry on and react to what comes.
Think, just think of every moment that has surprised you, the difference in months, comparison of your years, think of the good moments, the wondrous memories you've been blessed with, think of those and decide, are you going to live with an underlying trembling fear of what's coming, or have hope that no matter what happens, that despite the bad days and sad nights that no doubt may also come, that you'll still have something spectacular to look forward too. I know, you, we don't know what it is, but amazing things have happened and don't stop, so you can be sure they'll happen again.
with love, Kat
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Don't go in search of a definition of yourself. You simply won't find it,
and you don't need it.
We respond to the smallest of things, this doesn't always gain a full blown reaction out of us, however it initiates thoughts and feelings that perhaps you're not even aware of. Change is on-going and constant whether we want it to be or not, it's always there, so how can we ever be 'defined' when we'll be changing ever so often, even if it's to the most anti-climax of things.
I still hear that people think they're defined by their mistakes, that it's made them, that it concludes them. But our mistakes are only lessons; from which we learn, grow and prosper, that's all. It's the same with experience, just because you encounter someone, or undergo an ordeal, does not mean you've been pigeon-holed into a certain stereotype, or are stuck on that route or relationship permanently. Experience is something from which you'll gain a skill, a friend and of course endless stories to tell, but eventually they become bittersweet memories in the rear-view window, that you encountered on your way through life.
Growing up we found ourselves having to explain who we were for school, jobs and so on. We'd always dig deep through our minds on how to make ourselves sound like this ideal of a person, but who hasn't felt like a fraud sometimes, writing such forced, calculated words. Seeing it all down on paper makes you feel small, like there isn't enough on here to make you worthy. Who are you isn't something that can be written in an analytic way.
Society is going to constantly ask, who are you? With the harsh world we live in, being someone comes with a checklist. Your colour, race, age, gender, your class and upbringing. If that wasn't bad enough, your every move is watched, picked apart and judged. You are tried and tested with the way you chose to live, mistakes you made or career you want. With such constant judgement, it's no wonder we succumb to what others want us to be or see us as, that then and there we give ourselves a widely unnecessary, perhaps even degrading definition of who we are and what we're capable of.
The only thing that defines you, is the sheer thought of being defined. Without it, we're free.
It's like I can't sit still. I'm constantly browsing weekend getaways, cities to explore, scenic grounds to shoot. The confidence in the new direction I'm slowly heading to with my blog & photography, is exciting and I'm thankful I've reached this point; it's making me so eager but also unsettled, which eventually makes me frantic and un-sure of where to start, I suddenly lose complete sight of it all. I snap out of it quickly, with little reminders, lists and positive thoughts. Normally the drastic switch of my positive mentality to a negative one, would drag out for days, most of the time unnecessarily, however through gratitude and optimism, I slowly get back on track.
I picked up my idea of a pretty near perfect go-to white summer skirt, from Stradivarius in an outlet store back home, with its brown retro buttons and heavenly fit, it's a piece I've wanted to get my hands on for a while and finally have. I've grown accustomed to purchasing basics and less clothing, to mix & match more, making the most out of what I've got. If you're like me and can sometimes (most of the time) spend a while fluffing around trying to get dressed, when all you want is to be one of those effortless ladies who just grabs chic pieces and jets off, I figured, less clothing, basics & minimal statement pieces, was the way to go.
It's not been the joyous weather we had in England the weeks before I left, since I got back, so a pop of colour was needed in the shape of this bright red bodysuit from Zara, with a ironic grey striped blazer thrown on top because let's face it, it's chilly though it's July but that's England for you.
with love, Kat
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