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I think we all strive for a life of contentment, our checklist for it will be wildly different to another in order to achieve it, but we have the same objective. In some ways it'll bring us that 1% or more of slight inner peace, a calmness knowing something is just right in that space of time. You feel it within you, in your mind and gut there's happiness & satisfaction, it could be for multiple reasons, certain events that have recently unfolded, a personal achievement, a change around you or perhaps you've changed and in doing so you're on an entirely new path. 

We all go through a phase believing certain things and ideals will help us achieve this, that they'll bring us this happiness, but soon we realise, especially as we get older, that it's less of the materialistic and common social ideals that will & that it all really lies within us on a more personal level.

what i believe will bring me contentment

A deeper understanding and control of my mind. This stems from mental illness, my anxiety in particular, a demon that for a long time made me shut myself away and broke me completely. It took away all traces of happiness inside of me for a long while and I never thought I'd ever mean a smile I struck ever again. I have, over the last year, gained an immense amount of control over it, I deal with it so incredibly well, I'll give myself that. I'm still learning though, every situation that arises can trigger me in completely different ways, but not only having to understand my anxiety, but how my mind works, has given me insight into my thought process, that affects everything and anything, not just my anxiety. It's made me more intellectual, more empathetic, it's overall changed my outlook on so many things in life & actually for the better.

Travel. I think this resonates with a lot of people and I'm not surprised. Now I've not done the whole gap year travelling around Asia, which looks incredible and I will hands down do it one day, but I've been travelling here and there my whole life. I'm ever so fortunate and grateful, that since I was little I've had two homes, one here in England and the other in southern Poland, so I've been back and forth since I was young, in two very different places, which has no doubt had it's influence in who I am today. Not only that, but with my parents travelling for work, I'd go along with them most of the time, which was once or twice a year to the middle east, quite a touch further away which was always so exciting, it gave me the realisation of how diverse the world really is. I spent a lot of my summers growing up in the Algarve, Portugal - a place which I really believe since going back 2 years ago, has my heart fully and I feel content being there, at least knowing I can and will go back brings me that feeling. I don't think I could be ok staying still in one place, I've left parts of me in multiple places throughout the years and I'll continue to do so.

A life of art. The ability to create, the need and want is so great for me, I have to have the surroundings and freedom to just so. It's my passion, love and therapy. To be deprived of the expression and comfort, would unsettle me greatly, art devours me too deeply to live without it. 

Simplified joys. Having the little things make you happy. I cannot tell you how excited I get to just wake up and have my morning coffee, to go on a long walk with one of my dearests, or just seeing Summer turn into auburn Autumn colours then progress into the cold festive moons. These things mean so much to me and seemingly aren't much but ironically are everything. You still with me? I truly believe, as I know many others do, if you can maintain pleasure and happiness from the smallest of things, you'll pretty much always have something to smile about. 

Good company. Going through a terribly lonely, isolated time whilst fighting mental illness, made me realise how much we need as much as we want, to be around others, but around those who don't dampen you light, keep you laughing, and listen to you rather than waiting to talk. I love my me time, the time I take for myself, or days I just want to ride solo. However a good chat, walk or trip with your absolute best sidekicks, saves your soul. It can lift your spirits on a bad day no doubt, remind you to have a good time with those in which it means something, rather than some who won't think about you in a couple of days, because when life crumbles, when you fall, who's really going to be there, it'll be the ones who truly care.

Right now, these are the things I feel I'm really grasping to give me just that little feeling of being content, I don't go everyday obsessively making sure I'm ticking this 'checklist' off, it's all gradual whilst I grow, change and learn new things, I'm simply influencing a fresh perspective into my life.

What about you, what do you believe will bring you contentment?

with love, Kat


It's quite something when your body awakens with the sun at roughly 5:30a.m. still, dragging my arse out of bed wasn't going to happen this particular morning, my eyes felt vigorously glued down and body completely ignorant of the rising temperature in my room. A couple of hours later with underlying frustration and uneasiness from last nights nightmare still lingering, I couldn't be reaching for my morning coffee any more promptly if I tried. 

Lately with so much tension in air around me, it feels I'm choking for fresh air to breathe. I seem to yell, why just why, too often in regards to being misunderstood, or hearing completely obscure and immature comments; I wonder why people assume that 'growing up' means losing your youth, as does being mature. We have to grown up some day, we have to adult. Our parents aren't going to be paying our bills or sorting out our problems, for the rest of our days. It shocks me, the manner in which some things are dealt with, whether through words or actions, it's one big eye roll hearing catty arguments, narrow minded criticism and also backlash for those taking a more mature approach. 

Newsflash, it isn't dull to be slightly more sophisticated in your argumentative or daily approach to life. If anything, it's smart. 

Your youthfulness will always be with you one way or another, you don't have to let it go, nor should you. I'm a huge child at heart, I laugh at anything, I still run around and sustain foolish endeavours, but I don't succumb to naive responses when a quarrel arises, believe me it gets one nowhere, the problems lingers and a lot of the time more fuel is added to the fire.

with love, Kat


Since I was a babe, the arts have been no stranger to me, only a friend, a love and comfort. My thoughts stretched further than our society's standards would allow, I'd dream of other worlds, believe of strange beings out in our neck of the woods; I've always believed in peculiarity, doing things alien to another, walking a route less paved & I will forever continue to believe in something more.

It's too often, when someone gives you the look of confusion and judgement, for speaking out about ones genuine interests, that you're instantly pigeon holed as 'weird' or classed as 'boring', for not being into the same deeds as another.  Sometimes it's only a natural reaction that we hide away some of our character and simply do things for the likes of others; who hasn't worn themselves down at least once for another and questioned their personality or sanity. 

Honestly, I live for the eccentricity of the world, the quirks that people possess and that a lot aren't afraid to show. Please, baffle my mind with bizarre questions, make me question the norm, because I'm not so sure what normal even is anymore. People admire the characters on paper or in film, but only as a fictional being or soul, that to them have no place in our surprising world. When in some sense, we are the characters we create, or wish to be. 

you see,

I will always let my thoughts roam free, I'll dress for my likes and mood, I'll feel then express. I'm going to share my favourite philosophies and mantras, praise certain cliches, where you'll eye roll over such passion. There'll be days where I live in a child's storybook, fantasising over the fairy styles, myths and legends we all grew up hearing. One day I may jet off, perhaps to study art abroad, with income not being a factor in anything, or perhaps to drink wine in France, or mingle in Italy. I'll never strive for a perfectly dusted path, or neatness, I like the mess. Life is messy, I want to embrace it. 

I'm ok with people thinking I'm strange, let them talk about that in sly whispers to others, I like who I am, the way my mind works. If that's ok with me, then that's all that matters. 

"stop dulling yourself down for people who cannot handle your edge"
- k. azizian 

with love, Kat

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