It's been a long time since I've dusted off the corner of this blog, a space of creativity and void for my untamed thoughts. I didn't fall out of love with it, I got stuck again and then life got very difficult, it's been an emotional turmoil for a while now and on top with the current pandemic, life has been a "bit" much.
Rewind to 5 months ago when I threw myself into a 30hr job on top of freelancing already, as a distraction; a way out of the on going difficulties at home, in hindsight it's probably the best thing I could have done, I'm financially the most stable I've ever been and one of the lucky ones right now, still with a job and the pay, but it has been just that - a distraction from reality. It left me little time over those last few months to focus on what I love to do, but I couldn't create and invest to the best of my ability with a fog in my mind, I was just constantly swinging back and forth rushing around day to night, tired, unfulfilled and sad.
Slowly as the months have passed, I've been gauging more inspiration, clearing out what didn't suit me, whether that be in my personal life, creatively or the space around me; it's given me room to hit refresh, to work on my mindset that had crumbled at the start of the year. I've tried to be a lot more honest and kinder to myself, because although we should be anyway, I couldn't be bothered to battle myself anymore, there's enough of that in the world as it stands, all we have at the end of the day is ourselves and I want to be okay with that. I think for the longest time I spent too much time in my head, thoughts constantly racing, my mind never shutting off, I would never seem exhausted from it because I was numb to it. Being forced to slow down in these unsettling and worrisome times has given me a blank canvas to reinvent myself again in the creative industry, nothing too bold, in fact most of it is internal, the way I see myself within this space and how to approach it. The overthought of nearly everything I've ever done or attempted forever seems irrelevant down the line, because I question it then too, with a different mindset, I question myself, so it's pointless, I forever just needed to go with it. To just let go and be.
So now, here I am, it's 17:13 and probably one of the most beautiful days, we are still in lockdown and the days are up and down but I'm back in my corner of the internet that I've missed dearly. Finally after feeling so tense and unsure, I'm back to writing and nourishing my content of which I promise there is so much more to come. I hope you're all safe and doing as well as you can, sending you so much love.
I can't wait to see and read more from you. I love you so much! xx
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to get back into it! Love you lots! xx
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