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- Late night thoughts, somewhere between reflection and overthinking. -
Nothing scares me more than not living, not making each day count. It sounds simple right? You live, you make plans. But how intentional are you being - how authentic and pure is your joy? My Cancer diagnosis, of course it absolutely terrified me, you can't begin to explain it to someone who doesn't know. All I felt at the beginning was fear, "I don't want to die." I tearfully mumbled to my doctor. My mind was blank, numbingly in overdrive, cheeks damp, with no clear way of thinking or processing what had just been told to me.
It's now 1 year and 9 months since then, I'm healthy, I'm ok, I got through it, and I can wholeheartedly tell you, while there is always worry and fear,
nothing is more terrifying than wasting the life you have, however long you're blessed with.
You could put all your energy into panicking, into the anxiety for all these reasons, but it's waste, those things won't change any outcome. Between now and whenever - why wouldn't you put everything into the magic of everyday. Into the love, hope and endless possibilities. If we spent all that same time we spend worrying, into living, being present, into noticing things however small, loving and romanticising the absolute mundane - life becomes magic. You intentionally live every second of it.
There is so much to be seen, love to be felt, laughter to be heard, I want it - for however long I can have it, and I'll cherish and chase it. I won't waste it.
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