Don't go in search of a definition of yourself. You simply won't find it,
and you don't need it.
We respond to the smallest of things, this doesn't always gain a full blown reaction out of us, however it initiates thoughts and feelings that perhaps you're not even aware of. Change is on-going and constant whether we want it to be or not, it's always there, so how can we ever be 'defined' when we'll be changing ever so often, even if it's to the most anti-climax of things.
I still hear that people think they're defined by their mistakes, that it's made them, that it concludes them. But our mistakes are only lessons; from which we learn, grow and prosper, that's all. It's the same with experience, just because you encounter someone, or undergo an ordeal, does not mean you've been pigeon-holed into a certain stereotype, or are stuck on that route or relationship permanently. Experience is something from which you'll gain a skill, a friend and of course endless stories to tell, but eventually they become bittersweet memories in the rear-view window, that you encountered on your way through life.
Growing up we found ourselves having to explain who we were for school, jobs and so on. We'd always dig deep through our minds on how to make ourselves sound like this ideal of a person, but who hasn't felt like a fraud sometimes, writing such forced, calculated words. Seeing it all down on paper makes you feel small, like there isn't enough on here to make you worthy. Who are you isn't something that can be written in an analytic way.
Society is going to constantly ask, who are you? With the harsh world we live in, being someone comes with a checklist. Your colour, race, age, gender, your class and upbringing. If that wasn't bad enough, your every move is watched, picked apart and judged. You are tried and tested with the way you chose to live, mistakes you made or career you want. With such constant judgement, it's no wonder we succumb to what others want us to be or see us as, that then and there we give ourselves a widely unnecessary, perhaps even degrading definition of who we are and what we're capable of.
The only thing that defines you, is the sheer thought of being defined. Without it, we're free.
Beautiful words Kat! We've got to grow and learn from things and, I think those times where we do feel like a 'fraud', really teach us that xxxx
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