the outfit

coat & shirt from Zara and Missguided black frayed denim skirt 


bare minerals powder, L'oreal brow gel pomade, Tarte matte lipstick in shade colada & Radical glamolash mascara XXL

"Don't ever put your happiness in someone else's hands. They'll drop it. They'll drop it every time."

- Christopher Barzack 

It's disheartning, the realisation that as much as someone means to you, they cannot be the sole provider and meaning behind your happiness. The relationship however so, can be the most spectacular thing in your life, something you of course work at, but enjoy with all your heart but can't be something you rely dependently on. If you have nothing but them, what happens when the worst comes to play? 

At the peak of my anxiety, loneliness hit, it was no-ones, not even my own fault as to why I didn't have anyone around me at this stage, but I realised through recovery, as I was getting better, I had to make sure I had something for myself that nothing & no-one could take from me, something that keeps me happy, that I could work at and enjoy, whether I was alone or not. Of course, I have people and things in my life that fill me with so much joy and happiness, however they contribute to it, they're a huge part of it, they're just not fully it. That may sound slightly degrading on their part, but honestly it's not, I just don't gamble my sanity on them. 

It is no-one else's job to ensure our happiness, you can't expect them to be responsible for it, how you make each other feel should be desired rather than a forced effort. This isn't to say someone shouldn't want to make you feel happy, but you have to be able to pick yourself up and not wait for someone else to pick up the pieces for you. It's too often I have seen or heard of someones world revolving around another, only for them to be at a complete loss when something goes wrong. 

When you hit your twenties, it's painfully obvious how many people have left, or whom we've parted from, whether intentional, justified or not, it'll always hurt a little. This forces us to build walls, to trust less and 'fend for ourselves' if you like in the big ass scary world. Our independence then thrives and we should let it so, as we sure as hell don't know what the next day will bring, who will it let in and who will be shown out.

None of this is to say no-one should hold your hand and lift you up when you cannot, we all need that support and love a lot of the time and sometimes it is another who gets you out of your darkest days, your misguidance and so on, however my point is simple, to never stop striving for something for you, just you, that is your own hands and not someone else's.

with love, Kat