There's a coolness in the air, with the curtains now drawing much earlier in the day, hinting at the end of another British summertime. Amongst the panic, I don't feel too sad, it's been lovely and the season will come again soon, but for the first time in a long time, I feel exactly where I'm supposed to be, I'm content with that and have a much more polished outlook on my strengths and what I want out of the next few months. 

You see, it's been a while since I've properly shot a premeditated shoot for my blog and I've missed it. Doubt and my own road blocks put it to a halt, but it feels now, more than ever, is the perfect to get back into it. So I stopped sulking into my bland filter coffees, switched to a warm almond latte (hot milk and a shot of espresso, nothing too extravagant) and dived into believing that I deserved to have good opportunities come my way. This meant I needed to get on with it and not hold back shooting content, contacting brands, because of my anticipation there was no point, I'd question if I even deserved the time of day. For so long I'd admire others from the distance and be in awe at the things they were achieving, I'd think, yes I want that, that'll be me. That was a little naive. Very in fact. How could I ever expect grand things, if deep down I didn't truly believe it happen for me and therefore simply settle for that fact. It holds you back in ways that don't always show on the surface. You subtly accept the fact you've reach your peak, I'm 22 there is no way that could ever be true; I've hardly scratched the surface of my life if anything. 

It's never been a case of lack of ambition, but more so the self doubt in climbing the steps. It's taken me time to have consistency within myself, more than routine, to wake up each morning and not instantly find a negative, it's been a huge climb within my head up a rugged mountain, gasping for air every few steps, to re-wire my outlook. I speak of it a lot. Talking helps, the long walks, randomly in the evening with my closest friends, is a way to breathe. It sounds dramatic, but you don't realise the build up of stress in your mind and physically in your body when you hold it in. A healthy outlet of constant relief is good, it's needed when everything around us, has us convinced our shit must be in order. It'll never be, it's not supposed to be. Messy is just a part of life, it shuffles us around, after all we're not supposed to stay in one place forever. 

I like the mess of trying, battling my way through different outlooks, because finally it all works out that you end up with the best of the best, I hope that's the case for as many of us as possible; and when we're there, we' bloom. The pieces fall into place. I guess that's how I'm feeling right now, the view outside the window is a little clearer, my mind a little calmer. 

outfit details 

trench coat gap (old), similar here
mules find, shop here on amazon
bag is vintage louis vuitton