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Friday, 1 June 2018

DON'T ASK, I DON'T HAVE AN ANSWER




what i'm wearing

gap beige t-shirt, striped zara tailored trousers and a gold chain koko couture bag, with black heeled boots.





Here's hoping as I write this I don't fall asleep, or leave too many typo's... it's 19:37, Friday evening and I have only water besides me, rock-blues music playing, as I drown of tiredness into my dressing gown. It's been one of those weeks, let's leave it at that; but thoughts and inspiration wise? It's come all at once, in an overwhelming tidal wave, that I've struggled to separate conversations, to then articulate recent revelations and unravel my thoughts onto here. Yet here I am, with a lack of caffeine and a permanent yawn, attempting to try.

Sat on a park bench, after a busy day, our energy flatlined; my best friend and I were sharing our weekly dramas and noticeably trying to not let one another fall into a pit of worry, over the meaning of life. Dramatic? Always. Maybe it's the pressure subtly but widely forced upon us to decide and dive into success so young, to have answers, to not just life's big quiz, but to answer random relatives at family gatherings and to the new guy you're possibly, could be, should be dating. The fear creeps in at not having the near future, as in the next few months, sorted or at least having them rough round the edges. To avoid disappointment I don't think of how I'd like them to be, if they simply won't or can't be. This leaves me thinking and feeling bored and I'm not, but am. Makes no sense right? Perhaps a messy mind can be easier for another to understand, especially if they're in similar boat, rather than having clear cut answers thrown our way, like here understand and get over it. Truly I think some thing's just not enough, I'm most likely holding back, in fact I know I am, my effort has split, mainly because of not feeling like what I do is enough, that there's no space or place for me in what I'm venturing out to do. I don't have a lot of optimism in myself lately, I dwell on not having shit figured out, but I'm only 21 and this un-required need to have life down and sorted, has got to go. Not all questions need answering, sometimes they're just a gist and all you need to do is just keep moving and not dealing with it the best you feel you should, perhaps doesn't matter and all you simply need to do is just deal.

with love, Kat
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1 comment

  1. This is one of my favourite posts of yours Kat. So well written, and so true! xxx

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